How to overcome dissatisfaction with yourself: five key rules
The psychologist shares five simple tips on how to stop looking in the mirror with fear and comparing yourself with idols from social networks.
In modern realities, the topic of dissatisfaction with oneself is becoming one of the causes of oppressed and depressive states among representatives of the stratum that actively use gadgets and social networks. Photoshopped and retouched photographs from which “ideal people" look at a person, success, the path of a hero, ideal relationships, bouquets of 500 roses, best friends, restaurants, vacations in the Maldives… character is worth more than the annual salary of a specialist in the regions? Against the backdrop of all this, a person can naturally begin to feel worthless and dissatisfied with himself. And this leads to low self-esteem and self-doubt, the rejection of the opportunities that life offers.
It begins to seem that for self-realization it is necessary to be some kind of “ideal”. And here there are two scenarios:
- Go into a depressed state immediately;
- Spend your whole life trying to be perfect.
Each of these strategies is losing. The first immediately plunges into an apathetic state, the second has an almost similar ending. The pursuit of the ideal is the pursuit of the horizon.
How can you help yourself to hold on and not go through any of these scenarios?
- It is important not to identify with discontent in its entirety.
“There is something that I don't like, but it’s not all of me. It means that I’m not bad.” It is very therapeutic to realize that my act is still me. My nose is not me yet. My failure is also not wholly me.
- Notice how and what you think about yourself.
In cognitive behavioral therapy, there is such a thing as cognitive distortions. For example, "overgeneralization". This is when a person says: "Everyone thinks I'm a loser." "Nobody needs me". How do you know that everyone thinks so? Who exactly doesn't need you? Did you conduct a survey?
Or is “reading minds” just thinking for someone else? “If I go to an interview, they will still think that I am not suitable for them.” And the person does not go to this interview. Where does this knowledge and confidence come from?
The point is to learn to track what your dissatisfaction is based on. On real facts or on your conjectures?
- Explore your feelings.
Ask yourself, “What is my dissatisfaction about?” “What feeling hides my discontent? What exactly do I not like? What exactly do I want?" You may notice that the reason for your negative attitude towards yourself lies much deeper than the extra 5 kg.
- There are things that are given to us from birth.
And which we have no control over. These are eye color, height, genetic predisposition, parents, place of birth. And there is the so-called "Self-made" – what we do ourselves. So, even if something is not there, then you can definitely influence something else.
- Be realistic.
Even the most “ideal” people have headaches, toothaches, fevers, and upset stomachs. Behind every beautiful photo there are 100 bad ones. Behind this success is a really huge amount of work done. And you are shown only the result. Every success has a backstage and a price these people have paid for it. Maybe it's sleepless nights, maybe it's three jobs, maybe 200 failed interviews, and everything that ordinary people have.
Therefore, learn not to scold yourself, but to support. Tell yourself "if he succeeded, then I can succeed – even if not the first and not the second time." Praise yourself for what you have already achieved. Finish school, go to university, start studying something, move to another city. Even for the fact that you wanted to live better – this is already a step towards success! Even your smallest achievement provides support in those moments when you want to say that you are a complete loser.