How to undermine the foundations of your unstable self-esteem

Be prepared for the fact that unstable self-esteem after reading will be destroyed to the ground and you will have to get used to yourself in the present without destructive emotions and destructive settings. In this article, we will touch the heart of our self-esteem and find out how stable it is and how it affects business, communication and life in general.

What is unstable self-esteem

In psychology, this is when your sense of yourself and perception of the world are highly dependent on conditions:

For example, today you are on horseback. You are a hyper-businessman, and tomorrow you may wake up as a loser.

But we will touch on this topic later. Now, let's get back to unstable self-esteem. Still, the goal of today is to undermine it.

Personality breakdown: how unstable self-esteem splits personality into plus and minus

You knew that despite all the unnaturalness of the “I-minus" position, a person adapted and learned to live with a destructive basic installation. Just as people adapt and learn to live with incurable physical ailments.

Note: we started talking about “I-minus” and other settings in a previous article.

A healthy person is not able to live without tension, being in the “I-minus” position. Therefore, we tell you what allows you to get rid of such basic attitudes and how to live with it later.

In the previous article, we examined in detail how the basic “I-minus” attitude affects our decisions and character formation. It turns out that the main obstacle to achieving your goals in life and in business is a destructive foundation that simply cannot give energy, but constantly takes it away.

What does a person's life energy go to in the “I-minus” position

If your basic setting is “I am minus”, but you have a list of conditions under which you can become better by proving something to someone, then it is very difficult to achieve your goals and understand what you really want. After all, all your life energy is spent not on achievements, but on proofs.

And that is not all.

Today we are digging deep in an attempt to find out how the mechanism of adaptation to destructive attitudes works. Disabling it is as difficult as Google services on your smartphone. It's not exactly a user-friendly way, but it's there. You are ready?

Split personality for the sake of survival

To live in the position of I minus, the personality is split into two components. In the psyche, at the subconscious level, two lists are formed. Let's call them conditionally "I-minus if" and "I+plus if":

“I-minus if”:

What actions should I take and what events should occur in order for me to feel in the red.

“I+plus if”:

What should I do in order to be in the black.

Unstable self-esteem: how split people live

Look again at the picture above. Every time something from the list on the right happens, a person experiences very painful sensations and emotions that are difficult to bear.

Why do people "split" themselves:

• To receive love and recognition;
• Feel confident;
• Experience positive emotions;
• To look at life and your future with optimism;
• To increase motivation

Why is this happening:

Because a person falls into a state of “like in childhood”, but this is not the “childhood” that he wants to return and live again. Whatever you do, if you continue to live in a “split” state, each time you find yourself in the “I-minus if” position, you will return to childhood. Again and again. It doesn't matter if you are 16, 35, 50 or 60 years old. A split personality has no age. All her experiences are entirely tied to the circumstances.

Now imagine that such a person begins to build a career. It is possible to work as an employee in such a psychological position, although this will most likely not be easy. But building your own business is impossible. How will a split personality make money if, when making decisions, it is completely guided by the circumstances and opinions of other people? You know the answer.

Unstable self-esteem: how split personalities suffer in business:

• Frequent lawsuits.

Because there is no understanding of how people negotiate among themselves. The desire to prove right and get the praise you deserve outweighs common sense.

• Customer criticism hurts self-esteem.

Imagine a successful psychologist or information businessman who conducts many seminars and online trainings. This is a result-oriented person. Now imagine that after a series of intensives, in which a lot of effort, time and a sincere pure desire to help people were invested, some reviews of this teacher turn out to be negative.

• Achievement trap

This is when you achieve your goals, but since they are not yours initially, fatigue from them leads to passivity in future plans and aspirations. A person's aspirations are on the decline – not to fit into adventures, to do as little as possible. This happens because subconsciously a person continues to be afraid that his self-esteem will fall if the next time he does not achieve a result.

In general, the motivation to “run away from” will not help you. Sooner or later you have to stop. And there, the stop of growth and development is not far off. So don't feel sorry for yourself as you work on your self-esteem. Give yourself a gift – the opportunity to breathe freely, live easily and not depend on circumstances.

There is a widespread belief that a person is not his own master. And in most cases this is true, because real work on yourself is difficult and hard. But it's worth it. Imagination is your best friend and worst enemy.

Seek balance.