Money in the family: how a man is motivated by his wife’s desires
In this article, we have collected questions from our readers on the topic Money in the family.
“Should a woman give her salary to the “common pot?"
No. This greatly relaxes the man. He may even stop providing for his family and himself at a basic level when he realizes that a woman is ready to give the money she earns to the “general cash desk”. Money in the family comes mainly from a man, but only a woman can inspire him. This is if we are talking specifically about the family, and not about the personal budget.
“What is the base level?”
This is the level of life support. It includes:
- housing payment,
- rental fee,
- mortgage payment,
- other contributions
- including money for food,
- basic clothing for the whole family
It is important that the level of security is completely in the area of u200bu200bman's responsibility. But this, of course, is idealism. It is clear that in the existing financial reality, everything is not so categorical. Therefore, we confine ourselves to the fact that the minimum level of security is the payment of utility bills, as well as payment for housing and buying groceries for home.
Money in the family: what happens if a woman “climbs into the base”
If a woman takes upon herself the provision of a basic level of security, then by her actions she, as it were, says to a man:
“Darling, don't stress too much about your basic male duties, because I will help you – I will report the necessary amount to the common cauldron, everything will be fine, everything will be fine.”
This kind of behavior is relaxing. Put yourself in the place of the person who is told to try less. Agree, it is difficult to resist such a situation, regardless of gender.
If it is possible to do less, usually a person will do less.
Money in the family: under what conditions is a “common money pot” normal
- If you have a major family purchase coming up (you decide to buy or change a car, for example);
- Or you decide to invest in repairs;
- To go on a trip and her husband's money is not enough for this.
At the same time, it is still recommended that the man take on the main expenses. If a woman tries to “keep up” with her man in terms of replenishing the financial “family boiler”, then she will not only provoke a desire in him to do nothing, but she herself will feel insecure.
If a woman has the feeling that there is no partner nearby who can protect her from external problems, she, without noticing it, begins to dislike herself. And this, in turn, begins to feel the man. Accordingly , the money in the family begins to decrease.
In order for a man to grow and not remain at the so-called low level of achievement, let him take control of basic financial functions.
“And if a woman manages her money, can she periodically ask her husband for money for her petty pleasures as attention?”
Yes. And this must be done without fail, because in this way the financial growth of the family occurs. If it is important to you that your husband be successful, you must motivate him to grow. But here you should not turn communication into an endless stream of demands or requests. If you don't know how to ask, it's time to learn. This is a very delicate and important moment for the relationship between a man and a woman, as well as for the overall family budget. Do not hesitate to ask and at the same time do it in such a way that there is a desire to give you what you ask for.
Motivation for growth occurs when a woman behaves wisely.
“What does it mean for a woman to be wise in the family?”
First, don't try to be the boss. In fact, a woman is already the main one in a relationship. But the art of being a woman is to hold back and forget forever the phrase “I told you so”, as well as many other classic phrases that “kill” a man’s self-confidence, as well as the desire to do something for the family.
And a woman should not be shy to ask a man for anything. It also demotivates, as well as reproaches and pressure.
“What if I don’t know how to ask for something?”
If you don't know how to ask, be wiser. Turn desire into a game. Let money in the family turn from a problem into an exciting journey that will bring all family members together.
For example, you can hang a board at home and write your desires there with a marker. Moreover, it is not necessary to become a monopolist on the board. If you have children, let them write their wishes there too. It can be a huge family board, where there is a place for both the wishes of the husband and the dreams of the children.
Let everything be mixed, and not differentiated. Let the desires of all family members become a single field that will nourish the desire to increase the family budget.
But in the evening this board will be cleared. So that in the morning desires appear on it again. Or make up your own rules.
Forget static posters. Revive your desires. You don't have to talk about them. But once you start writing or drawing them or coming up with some other form of expression, it will become much easier to share them with your husband and motivate him to reach new career horizons, as well as replenish the family budget.
To be continued…